I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I CAN MOONWALK!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
