I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
