After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm experimenting with sincerity
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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