Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
