I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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