wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
