I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
