i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I didn't notice because vodka
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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