I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
