I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
