so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
