Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
