If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
