Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
