Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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