at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
