just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
