Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
