you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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