Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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