grandma shit on top of the toilet
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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