dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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