i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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