Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
