I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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