Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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