He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
