is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
