I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
