What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
