Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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