He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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