So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
