Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
