i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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