how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
