yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
