I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
