kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
