I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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