I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
