i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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