Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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