the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
only if we run a train.
done.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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