i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
