the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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