You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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