Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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