Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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