Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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