the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
