threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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