Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
