just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
