You really coming over, don't trick.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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