It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
